Fashion

It’s the end, literally for some characters, and we’re so sad to see these guys go! From the faeries with loose morals and questionable fashion sense to the born-again vamps crusading for a blood-soaked female god. From brothers loving sisters, to rednecks wearing Obama masks and shooting supes to love triangles breaking friendships apart, it’s been quite a season. And we’ve lost some loved ones and some strange ones: Bud Dearborn, Sheriff Elijah, Patrick, Roman, half the Chancellors and, as of tonight, many more. Let us say goodbye, together…

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It feels like many of the plots that so dominated at the start of the season have been tied up and forgotten like last week’s shrimp gumbo at Merlotte’s. The Ifrit, Jesus’ sewed-shut lips and crazy gramps, Andy Bellefleur’s butt cheeks and Alcide’s pack troubles, were they all just so many fried pickles — tasty, but ultimately not so filling? Last week, Sam and Luna went on a mouse hunt for Emma, The Authority went anarchy in the U.S.A., and Sookie and Jason’s hunt for the vampire that killed their parents led to a discovery of sorts: Sookie was sold into vampire slavery by her kin. Besides the incredibly sad Hoyt-Jason-Jessica triangle coming to an end with the former’s Alaskan plans and memory force-quit, there was the big break up of Russell Edgington leaving The Authority due to boredom and a craving for fae blood. The show’s most ostentatious bloodsucker got into some pre-season finale trouble tonight, but first those other people who live in Bon Temps have some fried pickles for us…

Of Mice and Men
-Luna and Sam are still mouse-ing around in The Authority looking for Emma. They find her locked up with the human food. Some guards intercept, and Sam gets sent off to be Bill’s next meal, leaving Luna to figure out how to save her and Emma.
-Andy makes good with Holly’s sons and promises to be the best boyfriend ever to their mama. Which is pretty much an invitation for this show to mess with him, and it does in the form of preggers Maurella paying him a visit and calling in the light pact promise he (unknowingly) made to protect her. She’s pissed he’s already being a deadbeat dad.
-Alcide is helping (sans shirt!) his pops with a silver fence to keep out idiot vamps, his dad thanks him with some microwave chili and by cross-bowing a vamp that was about to kill his son.

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Can you believe we’re close to the end? Patrick sure can, after being shot by Terry and Arlene he was eaten by smokey last week. Sookie narrowly escaped getting fed to some pigs by a lady hillbilly named Dragon who’s behind the supe murders, but was saved by Sam, Luna, Andy and Jason, but Hoyt was looking like his ass was ham. Russell took puppy Emma and gave her to Steve Newlin as a pet, much to Martha’s shrieks. And there’s a new vamp sheriff in town, and he’s sitting in Pam’s chair. The biggest upset of the night though, was Bill snitching on Eric to Salome, foiling his plan to escape and getting him locked up by The Authority. Will this fence mend by season’s end? Let’s see if Bill visits Eric in jail…

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Last week we found out how vamps like to celebrate a coup d’état: get high with a little Lilith juice, trip out on the streets of New Orleans and have a bloody hallucination of lady God. Others had less of a good time: Hoyt joined the hillbilly vigilantes who are killing supes (and shot Sam and Luna), Lafayette found Jesus (well, his head) and almost got sacrificed, Alcide trained his lips on his second in command and Sookie found out there’s a limit to her fae powers. Let’s find out how the Lilith blood hangover feels…

Sam in the Mirror
- Thanks to Sam, the sheriff arrests a supe-hating redneck.
- A still-unhealed Luna shifts into Sam. (Is this a side effect of her antibiotics? She should just eat some yogurt and get her good bacteria back up.)
- Jessica is captured by the rednecks so Hoyt can exact payback on her as some kind of initiation into the club. He gives Jessica a speech about how she wronged him, but frees her regardless.
- Hoyt leaves Jessica at the house, but gets lost and is picked up by someone in a truck with a gun. (So that could be anyone in Bon Temps, pretty much.)
- Sheriff Andy, Sam and Luna-Sam come to Jessica’s rescue, and Luna-Sam sniffs out a Cheeto-loving lady as recently having been at the house. (Britney Spears?)
- Luna-Sam is maybe dying and she and Sam have a heart to heart (or a Sam to Sam) and then his kiss turns her back into Luna like a fairy tale—but not really, as she throws up.
- Alcide and Rikki have taken to training in the bedroom, and she gets him to ask her to be his girlfriend. We guess “second in command” wasn’t enough of a commitment.
- It’s the packmaster battle between JD and Alcide (rhymey names!) and the old guy has a sick V-fueled plan to murder the local track star, but Alcide intervenes and the two fight until Martha stops JD with a mom speech. JD tells Alcide to find a new pack.

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