True Blood Recap: We’re taking wardrobe cues from Pam’s madame flashback, the authority’s hot new staff members and mama werewolf
We’re back into the thrills and bloodspills of True Blood, and last week we saw season four’s cliffhangers resolved with Tara becoming a vampire thanks to Sookie and Lafayette (and a begrudging Pam), Bill and Eric (and his sister Nora) getting captured by the Vampire Authority trying to escape punishment for their Nan Flanagan execution, Sam almost getting killed by Marcus’s pack until Alcide stepped in and confessed, and the return of a now-vamp Steve Newlin and Russell Edgington (we think). Let’s get our fangs on…
Tara Attack
– Vamp Tara is about to drain Sookie until a joyful Pam puts an end to it—she wants to redeem her future favour.
– Tara whirling dervishes around Sookie’s house, won’t drink any True Blood, until finally Lafayette and Sookie have to force her into the cubby using silver.
– At Stake House (we love stores with punny names), Sookie goes shopping for anti-vamp supplies as the clerk watches Steve Newlin come out on TV: no, he doesn’t announce he’s a gay vampire-American, just a vamp.
– Sookie stops Lafayette from staking a sleeping Tara, explaining to him that all baby vamps have growing pains. (Uh, Tara is seething, not teething, Sookie.)
– A pissed Tara wakes up, stares daggers at Lafayette (he has don’t-be-mad puppy eyes) and Sookie (I-love-my-best-friend eyes) and says she’ll never forgive them before shooting off into the night.
UV Damage
– Bill, Eric and Nora get deposited to Authority HQ where they meet Salome, who looks like she was plucked from a Pedro Almodóvar film and is all business in a plum blouse and merlot pencil skirt.
– They check in at reception, but this is no hotel; they’re getting put away in metal cages, joining fellow prisoner creepy Nigel, who is locked up for being a vamp nurse who ate newborns. Eww.
– Bill and Eric get interrogated over the intercom, but when Bill lies to save Nora they all get zapped with UV rays you’d need SPF 1,000,000 to be safe from.
– Next are the interrogations: Dieter grills Bill using a silver IV drip for torture. He wants to know more about Nora helping them escape, and he’s got a vampire bible with him so they talk about Lilith—not the ’90s ladies music fair (RIP), but the OG vamp god created before Adam and Eve, who were just meant to be food for Lil and her kids to munch on.
– Dieter wants to know the deets on whether Bill is a fundamentalist who believes humans should be farmed, because Dieter thinks Nora is and that’s why she went against the mainstreaming Authority.
– After torturing Bill and failing to get a confession, he lies about Eric selling Bill out. Bill is loyal to his broseph and keeps to the story.
– The Authority is smart and has the hot chick, Salome, interrogate Eric in a slinky silk dress. He keeps his usual Eric cool under fire, but swallows hard when she tells him that Nora met the true death. When she does the same fake out and says Bill is free, Eric keeps to the story as well. (These guys have really got each other’s backs now that they’re not fighting over Sookie. They’re like Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.)
Salome’s guide to what to wear to an interrogation
Keep the hemline all business, but cleavage all pleasure. Her clingy, olive silk dress, like this one from Roland Mouret ($1,100, net-a-porter.com), probably would work on Eric if he weren’t so preoccupied with Nora and his Bill bromance.
Mother of All Problems
– The wolves are still making a meal out of Marcus, but Alcide wants nothing to do with the pack even though mama Martha thinks Alcide is being disrespectful for not eating her son.
– Back at home, Luna is doing that awful nurse thing where she just pats Sam’s wound with a face cloth (it needs disinfectant or even a bandage, lady—you’re just spreading the dirt and blood around) when Martha shows up to see her grand-daughter (it’s the middle of the night, you idiot!) and then is surprised when Luna says hell no.
– Sam spouts off to Luna about how Emma will need the pack when she turns, but Luna wants nothing to do with those cannibals and criminals. She tells him to butt out or get out. He gets out.
– Luna checks in on Emma and she’s a baby wolf (or a husky?)—cute overload for us, uh-oh overload for Luna.
Martha’s guide to feminine accessories
As one tough lady who ain’t afraid to eat her own young’un, Martha isn’t the most feminine of gals. She softens her leather and denim look with some feather earrings with a stone in the centre, like this pair from Lucky Brand ($10, luckybrand.com) that maybe Marcus gave her for Mother’s Day?
Flashback Attack
– Arlene wakes to a sleepwalking Terry and slaps him out of his Iraq flashback.
– A bacon-grease fire makes Terry flashback again and he shoves Arlene across the kitchen when she sneaks up on him; this makes her understandably upset.
– Arlene goes to see Patrick in a sequin denim mini and about seven pieces of jewellery. She tries to get to the bottom of Terry’s issues over a couple of Pabsts, but Patrick won’t let anything slip.
– Angry Terry shows up and tells Arlene to split so he and the Sarg can talk about their missing company man who may be the one starting the fires.
Arlene’s guide to Bellefleur manse lingerie
Since Arlene lost everything in the fire, she seems to be repopulating her wardrobe with classy lady stuff for the most part. Her pretty blue flowered chemise puts the girls on display while the print is pretty enough to be wallpaper in a Bellefleur parlour, just like this Jones New York satiny number ($30, thebay.com).
San Francisco Treat
– At Fangtasia, Pam wants to know if Eric called and Ginger wants to know why Pam is all “dirty” in the kitty sweatsuit.
– While reapplying her red lipstick (who cares how the rest of you looks if your lips look luscious), Pam flashes back to San Francisco, 1905, when she was the Heidi Fleiss of the city eating lobster and drinking Campari and giving her “girls” snuff to get through the night.
– Pam discovers one of her girls, Claire, has been killed by the guy she was turning tricks for, and it seems like this isn’t the first time this has happened. (Another mystery!)
– Madame Pam is walking home one foggy night (it is San Francisco so that’s believable) when a man corners her and wants to sample her loveliness with his knife. Thankfully, Eric kills the guy and saves her.
– He and Pam have some witty and sexual tension–filled back and forth before her knight in silky waistcoat and top hat disappears without telling her his name. It’s just like a Harlequin (“…because no one touches the heart of a woman quite like Harlequin”) that we’d title Of Bodices and Blood.
– When we see Pam’s coffin, we can’t help but think of that time last season when Ginger rode it. Lolz.
Pam’s guide to fancy madame jewellery
If you’re top banana at the place where guys go to get their bananas peeled, then you should wear some fancy jewellery, like a jet bead collar with a cleavage-dusting tassel. This R.J. Graziano collar ($89, bloomingdales.com) is more demure, which is good because you probably don’t work at a brothel.
Crazy For Jason
– Jason and Andy talk about the ins and outs of charming ladies (or cows, as Jason’s analogy refers to them), when they discover Debbie Pelt’s abandoned minivan. (Uh-oh, Sookie.)
– Former V-addict Andy discovers her V stash but hands it over to Jason in an act of willpower.
– Back at the station, Jason watches Newlin on TV while eating Pop Chips and sipping a juicebox, when a kid comes in and punches him for having relations with his mama and breaking up his family. (Uh, OK, not sure what this has to do with anything, we all know Jason’s slept with everyone and their mom in Bon Temps.)
– Jason tries to talk to Hoyt at Mama Fortenberry’s, but he still wants nothing to do with a newly teen ’stached Jason.
– Steve Newlin crashes Jessica’s party that has turned into a two-nighter, and even though he’s wearing a total dad sweater, the college kids are happy to see him.
– Jessica isn’t hospitable, but Steve sweetly apologizes about the Jason incident and wants to buy him from Jess for $10,000. There’s some bartering and talk of Jason’s rock hard butt and they settle on $20,000, but it’s all a ruse; there’s no way Jessica would sell her friend.
– After some hair pulling Jessica kicks him out, but not before Steve lets slip that Bill is no longer the king.
– An annoyed Jessica kicks the co-eds to the curb.
Jessica’s guide to what to wear for party night #2
Jessica follows up the previous night’s bodycon dress with a cropped lacy bustier—like this one from Forever 21 ($18, forever21.com)—paired with jeans (underwear peaking out the top) and platform purple pumps. Perfect for keg stands.
Stakes and Ladders
– Bill and Eric join Nora (she’s alive!) in a gothic boardroom when in walks Roman (background on the Authority bigwigs can be found here), who does some kind of communion ceremony where his board of directors drinks his blood and chants about Lilith.
– He sends Nora out of the room as she screams she’s innocent, and then talks about all the mess-ups that happened on Eric and Bill’s watch.
– He yells about being the Authority and how he’s in charge and demands to know if they’re in with the fundamentalist Sanguinista movement (the vamps that think humans should just be food) and the chancellors, who are dressed either kind of chill (Dieter and Salome) or like they’re playing businessmen/women/children in a 1980s film in pinstripe suits or skirt suits and pearls, debate about what to do with these two sons of guns.
– It looks like Roman’s about to stake them both, when Bill dangles an offer to capture Russell Edgington, who the Authority believed to be dead, but isn’t.
– Roman is pissed they didn’t kill Russell and wants to stake them so bad, like real bad, Michael Jackson bad, but listens to Bill’s heroic speech about capturing the Russter.
– Cut to a gross Russell on a hospital gurney surrounded by various body parts. Ew.
Roman’s guide to accessorizing like a boss
This guy’s in charge: his suit says bespoke and his accessories say rich and powerful. He’s got a snazzy tie and matching pocket square all artfully folded, a big gold signet ring and a gleaming gold watch, which we’re sure has a roman dial (get it?) like this Birks stunner (price on request, birks.com).
Catch new episodes of True Blood Sunday nights at 9 p.m. on HBO Canada.
