Last week, the viewer discretion notice warned of nudity; this week it’s coarse language. This show is awesome! Also, yay, theme song! It’s reminiscent of the ANTM theme, which always gets me pumped for the episode, so I’m happy.
The contestants wake up to a brand new Jay Mail. I don’t think I could handle Jay’s exuberance first thing in the morning, but the girls are excited as Jay announces, “Take a walk over to the mirror, take a look, and get ready to say goodbye.” They have no trouble deciphering this message—it’s clearly the makeover episode, that magical period in a Top Model contestant’s run when she gains a new look and starts really settling into an archetype. They all scream excitedly and head for the salon.
Although they look a tad apprehensive as Nolé Marin, the show’s creative director, assigns their new looks, most of the girls end up happy with the change. “Dye it, cut it, shave it off—I didn’t even care,” Steff says as a hairstylist fashions her a blonde wedge cut. Mo likes her spiky chocolate brown hair, and Jacqueline is pleased with her lightened locks. Cori’s Gisele Bündchen look gives her more confidence, and Tia feels like a Bond girl with her copper extensions. Tara is stoic as the stylists tightly braid her hair in preparation for a long, straight weave (which she later says is “so worth the pain”). Gina’s stressed (“It’s a big change, Jay!” she protests when he teases her for saying goodbye to her long blonde hair in the mirror), but her angled brown bob turns out great.
Only Sinead cries, and it’s not because of her drastic Natalie Portman cut—it’s because the short hair reminds her of her sister, who had a brain tumour and had to get a similar cut (she’s OK now). Rebecca, however, is the unhappiest girl and the only one who dares complain about her new (short, fire-engine red) hair. “If I was to see me walking down the street, I wouldn’t think it was high fashion,” she grumbles. “I’d think I was a freak.” However, after a chat with Nolé, she admits, “I guess I’m just being a big puss.”
The girls pose for a post-makeover photo shoot, and Jay and Nolé decide that Sinead best embraced her new look. She wins a $5,000 Visa shopping spree and spends her newfound wealth on new clothes for herself and bracelets for the other girls. I’m not cynical enough to suggest she brought up her sister’s health scare as a strategic move, but that story and her decision to donate her hair to Locks of Love certainly didn’t hurt.
The girls arrive home that evening to find another Jay Mail. “There are plenty of fish in the sea. What makes you unique?” this one asks. They puzzle over this for a minute (“Aquarium!” “Are we swimming?”), but soon decide to hang out in the hot tub instead. Confessional clips let us know that Cori and Jacqueline think Sinead is awesome, and Gina knows she’s a threat but thinks she’s “just so sweet.”
Gina’s charity doesn’t extend to the other girls, however. “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch here, but they just don’t f*cking shut up!” she says. Don’t worry, Gina—Tara beats you to the punch in the archetype race, uttering the requisite “I’m not one of those people who needs everyone to be my friend and everyone to like me—I’m here to win,” therefore solidifying her position as The Bitch.
The next day’s photo shoot involves props: dead sea creatures, which the girls must wear on their heads and necks. What is this, Fear Factor all of a sudden? If they have to eat these things afterwards, I’m out.
Steff has an unfortunate octopus phobia and starts to cry and shake as soon as one touches her skin. Sinead steps up and wears it on her head, standing strong even when Nolé teases, “That thing is moving. I swear to God, I think it’s alive.” Rebecca’s meat factory job proves to be good for something, as dead fish is no big deal to her. Tara gets a fitting creature: a crab, which drips juices down her brand new weave. The others wear their eels, lobster, crayfish and other critters with no complaints.
Between photos, the girls devour and excessively praise some product-placed pudding and crackers, killing two birds with one stone by proving that they are not only quick studies in promotion but actually eat, too!
That night, in preparation for judging, the contestants are given identical little black dresses and told to give them a unique twist. As they help each other out, Tara informs us via her confessional that she finds Jacqueline “not that memorable.” We learn that Steff is loud and Gina is mature. Also, Steff utters the first “eh” of the cycle, so anyone keeping track can cross that off the list of Canadian stereotypes!
Once in the judging room, the girls are given 30 seconds to accessorize their dresses. Sinead (with a gold belt and gold leaf earrings) and Rebecca (with a checkered hat and oversized black beads) look the best, and their high-fashion pictures are the best, too. They end up called first and second, respectively. Tara is third, although the judges would have liked “more intensity” in her photo. Cori drives Paul Alexander crazy by constantly tugging up her dress, but her picture is good enough for fourth. Tia and her necklace of crayfish, which she erroneously refers to as lobsters (then hilariously corrects herself: “Crayfish—they’re not lobsters yet”), come fifth. Mo is sixth, because although her picture is “100 per cent better than last week’s,” she still looks blank.
Jeanne Beker thinks Gina looks mean in her photo, and she’s called seventh, leaving Steff (whom the judges think looks like a linebacker in her “stupid” photo) and Jacqueline (nooo!) in the bottom two. The judges think Jacqueline’s photo is stunning, but guest judge Gisela Castillo echoes Tara’s earlier assertion that she’s forgettable, and although Yasmin Warsame likes her look as much as I do, I know she’s doomed. Sure enough, she’s the one to go. Aww! I’d choose a new favourite, but I’m afraid to curse any of the remaining girls with my patronage. My favourites never win (I maintain that Joanie of ANTM Cycle Six was robbed).
Oh! I almost forgot to mention two things: Sinead’s fainting spell during Steff’s evaluation, which earned a dramatic close-up and ominous music, but which Jay brushed off as dehydration, and Paul Alexander’s hilarious “I just wish we had a real swamp donkey up there, so it would be easier to cut someone” remark, which is met with incredulity by all the other judges (“Do not ever refer to any female as a swamp donkey!” Jeanne orders).
Jacqueline cries and hugs Steff. “I thought I would get a lot farther than I did… I almost feel I didn’t get enough of a chance,” she says. You and me both, sweetie.
Next week: Catwalks, catfights and ANTM diva Miss J! Whee!
Watch Canada’s Next Top Model Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on Citytv.
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Heather writes:
Not Jacqueline! But you're right, I knew she was a goner when she was in the bottom two with Steph. For some reason, I think she's going to go far. I liked all the make-overs except for Sinead's. I know everyone was wild for it, but I liked her better with longer hair.
—posted June 8, 2007 at 8 p.m.
bella writes:
I'm not surprised Jaclyn went home. She was pretty but not model-pretty. My money's on Sinead.
—posted June 10, 2007 at 4:24 p.m.
Monica writes:
Just saw a rerun of this! It really is a great show and so much better than last years. I think Sinead's the prettiest but I think Tia will keep photographng well, even though she drives me crazy, her and Steff actually. They're so loud!
—posted June 12, 2007 at 11:06 p.m.
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