Blue Ivy Carter was destined for greatness when she was a mere twinkle in Jay-Z’s eye, but no one expected she’d become a fashion mogul less than a month after her birth.
The couple has filed an application to trademark their offspring’s name (the real name, though we’d prefer Babeyoncé) to create a line of fancy baby gear including strollers, diaper bags, and cosmetics—because even babies need makeup nowadays.
Of course, there is the chance that the couple intends to protect the little one’s name. Already, the responsible, tabloid-reading workers at the trademark office have shut down two requests for the names “Blue Ivy Carter NYC” and “Blue Ivy Carter Glory IV”—not to mention the new strain of marijuana or countless martinis named after the not-yet-one-month-old hip-hop princess.
No wonder the newest generation of celebrities is turning into Lindsay Lohan act-a-likes! Maybe the couple has the purest of intentions, but considering that Hova already exploited his kid by including a snippet of her cry in his new track “Glory,” we’re inclined to believe some Swarovski-encrusted Blue Ivy strollers are in our future.
E! Online: “Hey, if you like it, then you shoulda put a trademark on it.” [E!Online]
Rolling Stone: “The new parents have plans to reserve their child’s name for possible use as a brand name for a line of baby-related products, including carriages, diaper bags, and baby cosmetics. Yes, baby cosmetics are apparently a real thing.” [Rolling Stone]
The Stir: “Of course, Beyoncé and Jay-Z aren’t stupid and also heard the sounds of future cash registers.” [The Stir]
Washington Post: “In the superstar industrial complex, trademarking your baby’s name is just smart business. There all sorts of folks who might try to slap it on some tacky baby bib.” [Washington Post]
Elio Iannacci, features editor: “When your parents are named Beyoncé and Jay-Z you don’t get toys for your birthday, you get trademarks.”