Welcome to the Golden Glugs
The best part of the Golden Globes is watching celebrities get tipsy. Now you can play along at home
Even if you’re the kind of person who never misses a chance to watch famous people hand little trophies to other famous people, you probably would remember last year’s Golden Globe winners before you could recall who, for example, took home the 2016 Chicago Film Critics Association Award for Best Actress. Even though the two are essentially the same thing—namely a critic’s association handing out awards to celebrities. It’s not that winning a Golden Globe is a greater honour than snagging a similar award, but if you win a Golden Globe, it will be televised.
And the Globes for good TV. Aside from helping you win your office’s Oscar pool, the Golden Globes offer a rare opportunity to see celebrities get tipsy while congratulating each other and cracking wise. Gifs will be made. Videos will go viral. Hot takes will be thrown around with abandon. But mostly, it’s fun because of the drinking thing.
Why let the celebs have all the fun? With this Golden Globe Drinking Game as your guide in no time you’ll find yourself as funny as the host (Seth Meyers), and as self-satisfied—not to mention as lit—as the celebrity guests.
It’s your choice whether you want to take a shot, or just a sip of your drink, when one of the following happens. The show is long though. Maybe pace yourself.
1. If anyone aside from Seth Meyers mentions Harvey Weinstein by name, take a drink.
2. If someone mentions Louis C.K.’s name in a joke—take a drink.
3. The audience makes one of those “Ooooo” noises after a particularly sharp barb, take a drink.
4. They cut to Meryl Streep to add a sense of gravitas during a political speech, take a drink.
5. They cut to Meryl Streep while she’s laughing at a joke, so as to reassure the audience that these actors don’t take themselves too seriously, so it’s okay to tell jokes about them, take a drink.
6. Take a drink when someone mentions the incongruity of classifying Get Out, a horror film wherein white privilege is the true monster (along with the body snatchers, of course), as a comedy or musical.
7. Trump joke: drink. (But only a sip. Like we said, pace yourself).
8. If Trump tweets about the broadcast during the broadcast, take a drink.
9. When a political message is received with a standing ovation, nod approvingly at the values being signalled and take a drink.
10. Take a drink every time they cut to Tom Hanks and you think how you wish he were your dad (not that you don’t love your dad, but come on, it’s Tom Hanks. He’d do that shouty feigned-exasperated voice he does. Your dad would understand).
11. Take a drink if The Room’s Tommy Wiseau makes an appearance—the real Tommy Wiseau, mind you.
12. Aaron Sorkin—bless his heart—manages to say something…Now this is tough. Do we take a drink if he manages to not say something surprisingly clueless, or do we drink when he does? You pick. Bonus: drink if he says anything that is recognizably from a West Wing script.
13. Someone says something about how Helen Mirren is super hot, despite being, you know, not young: take a drink because the objectification of women’s bodies can’t stop, won’t stop.
14. You know who we like? Issa Rae. Have you been watching Insecure? It’s really good! Let’s have a drink because that show is good, right?
15. As Phantom Thread is apparently Daniel Day-Lewis’s last acting role before retiring, take a drink if he finally sheds this artist’s persona he’s cultivated over the past 20 to 30 years and reveals that his greatest work as an actor was to convince us that he—a man whose actual name is Lou Sherman, from Philadelphia—was a Knighted British method actor. You know, like in The Prestige.
16. When someone ostensibly woke says something that is clearly un-woke: take a drink. You deserve it.
, and as self-satisfied—not to mention as lit—as the celebrity guests.
It’s your choice whether you want to take a shot, or just a sip of your drink, when one of the following happens. The show is long though. Maybe pace yourself.
1. If anyone aside from Seth Meyers mentions Harvey Weinstein by name, take a drink.
2. If someone mentions Louis C.K.’s name in a joke—take a drink.
3. The audience makes one of those “Ooooo” noises after a particularly sharp barb, take a drink.
4. They cut to Meryl Streep to add a sense of gravitas during a political speech, take a drink.
5. They cut to Meryl Streep while she’s laughing at a joke, so as to reassure the audience that these actors don’t take themselves too seriously, so it’s okay to tell jokes about them, take a drink.
6. Take a drink when someone mentions the incongruity of classifying Get Out, a horror film wherein white privilege is the true monster (along with the body snatchers, of course), as a comedy or musical.
7. Trump joke: drink. (But only a sip. Like we said, pace yourself).
8. If Trump tweets about the broadcast during the broadcast, take a drink.
9. When a political message is received with a standing ovation, nod approvingly at the values being signalled and take a drink.
10. Take a drink every time they cut to Tom Hanks and you think how you wish he were your dad (not that you don’t love your dad, but come on, it’s Tom Hanks. He’d do that shouty feigned-exasperated voice he does. Your dad would understand).
11. Take a drink if The Room’s Tommy Wiseau makes an appearance—the real Tommy Wiseau, mind you.
12. Aaron Sorkin—bless his heart—manages to say something…Now this is tough. Do we take a drink if he manages to not say something surprisingly clueless, or do we drink when he does? You pick. Bonus: drink if he says anything that is recognizably from a West Wing script.
13. Someone says something about how Helen Mirren is super hot, despite being, you know, not young: take a drink because the objectification of women’s bodies can’t stop, won’t stop.
14. You know who we like? Issa Rae. Have you been watching Insecure? It’s really good! Let’s have a drink because that show is good, right?
15. As Phantom Thread is apparently Daniel Day-Lewis’s last acting role before retiring, take a drink if he finally sheds this artist’s persona he’s cultivated over the past 20 to 30 years and reveals that his greatest work as an actor was to convince us that he—a man whose actual name is Lou Sherman, from Philadelphia—was a Knighted British method actor. You know, like in The Prestige.
16. When someone ostensibly woke says something that is clearly un-woke: take a drink. You deserve it.
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