Project Runway All Stars Recap: Austin attempts “Fragonard meets Madame de Pompadour meets Williamsburg Hasidic gentleman”
Oooh, a two-part finale—swank! Of course this means that this week’s episode is gonna be jam-crammed with useless plot thickeners and chin scratching and long, doubtful confessions. What is Project Runways All Stars about, you ask? That’s a great question and I’m going to say that a lot of its charm has to do with the most wonderful and whimsical removal of human rights. That’s right, lock ‘em up in the studio and make them sew. It’s cool, though; they’ll get over it.
The Crazy Challenge, Crazy!
A breathy, Bumpit-ed Angela greets the designers ominously, and when joined by
Isaac and Georgina, the three harbingers of doom reveal that, hey, the All Stars have to make a five-look mini-collection in four days. I’m Sitting on the Couch in a Nest of BBQ Chips -2
Austin’s moustache removal is actually a significant event in the world of PRAS. Mondo declares confidently that he went from Errol Flynn to Kermit the Frog, which I don’t get. Mondo, you tiny-fingered genius, what are you talking about? Don’t Confuse Me -1
In a mega twist of lemony-lime plot twists, the gang heads over to meet Joanna Coles at the Marie Claire office—my guess is because she didn’t feel like making the six-minute jaunt from the Hearst Building to 1407 Broadway today.
Whoa! Nice stems, Joanna Coles. It’s Cool They Should Always Come to Her +3
After the sexy body shot of J. Coles, the designers ask a number of intelligent questions about what she’s looking for in a guest editor. Then, there is the most wistful Project Runway music I’ve ever heard and a long shot of a bunch of hot Marie Claire-ites milling about purposefully. It’s all very fabulous. There are a lot of really great facial close-ups during this scene. Most of them are funny but a few of them are touching. Especially Mondo… as much as I’ve been totally partisan with regards to Austin, I might be switching back to the Mondo squad. But probably not.
In the Field
They’re given about 10 minutes to sketch, which seems absurd reasonable.
Seated beside Bethesda fountain in Central Park, Austin invokes the wise words of Tim Gunn, which just about makes my heart break with longing. Tim! Tim Gunn! Hear Our Cries! +3
Ah, then there are several shots of Austin looking very splendid in the grass. It’s great, I could watch this all day. The idea for his collection is like, ummm, a woman from a Fragonard painting, but she’s a rock star mixed with a Hasidic gentleman or something? Austin Should Star in an All-Male Version of Picnic at Hanging Rock +5
An Extremely Protracted “In the Workroom”
Mondo, you’re such a little bitch! How many times have we heard him bellyache about how this stuff is so hard. Ah, so he feels dead inside, is this Project Runway or Hedda Gabler? Immediately, Mondo begins sniping at Austin, who, to be fair, seems unusually irritating this episode. This is Upsetting -6
Here’s what’s annoying: even though we spend a ton of time in the workroom, I’ve yet to get a really good look at what they’re making.
What We DO See
Michael Costello is making animal print resort wear, which at first glance looks a lot like Season 9 winner Anya Ayoung Chee’s final collection. That’s cool I guess, people loved that.
Mondo, besides huffing around the workroom, eventually comes up with a “therapy” theme for his work. I honestly can’t tell yet, but the inkblot print he made was nice. Doesn’t it totally look like murderers?!
Other Plot Points to Forget
Georgina, Isaac, Angela and Joanna dropped by the newly rearranged workspace. Each of them doled out some choice pearls of wisdom, which I’m 100 per cent certain not a single one of the All Stars cared to hear, despite their admissions of deep love and appreciation. Come off it, you three! If I were in that position, I would literally be chewing my own arm off if it meant not having to listen to Isaac Mizrahi’s cheerful, reasonable pep talk. They’re in crazy mode! Stop pretending that it’s normal to give them four days to make five six looks! Everything is SO HARD -5
This new twist of making a sixth look means bringing back the ghosts of All Stars past… Gordana gets approximately a millisecond of screen time before being swept away again. Mila, Anthony and April become sweatshop assistants to the top three, and that seems to be a good thing for Austin, whose weakness really is in editing out the various flaps and peplums and bows wafting off of every garment. Thanks Anthony +3
And Now It’s Over?
This episode is a black hole in my mind, and I literally just stopped watching it one minute ago. I remember all the slow and sensual shots of Joanna’s legs, I remember Mondo storming off at dinner with his (pasta?) in a doggie bag (where was he going to put it? I guess the Flatotel has a mini fridge). I remember that Austin was so flamboyant I thought he might detonate in a hale of sequins. Worst of all, I remember that Michael Costello ended up being the likable one. Things have gone all topsy-turvy on All Stars. Will next week offer redemption on the runway? Will Mondo get his shit together? Will Georgina continue to depress me with how hot she is? Who cares?! I CARE.
Total: O points
 in a doggie bag (where was he going to put it? I guess the Flatotel has a mini fridge). I remember that Austin was so flamboyant I thought he might detonate in a hale of sequins. Worst of all, I remember that Michael Costello ended up being the likable one. Things have gone all topsy-turvy on All Stars. Will next week offer redemption on the runway? Will Mondo get his shit together? Will Georgina continue to depress me with how hot she is? Who cares?! I CARE.
Total: O points ){kind=link}
