Last night, Her Madgesty descended on Macy’s Herald Square in Manhattan to premiere her new perfume, Truth or Dare, to a wild and salivating audience. The fandemonium was out of control, and not for nothing, either; Madonna was in fiiiine form. There’s no one like her—and no one believes that more than her. So! Can you guess which of the following “moments” from last night’s party truly happened, and which ones I’m just daring you to believe?
1. Madonna told the audience to shut up.
2. She said the perfume was inspired by her own blood.
3. She said if she could change the world, she’d like to live in a world without hydrangeas.
4. Under her dress, she was covered in mysterious bruises.
5. Some dude got her to sign his arm so he could later get it tattooed.
6. Madonna admitted to getting starstruck by… nobody.
7. She confessed a fleeting addiction to psychoactive drugs.
8. You could totally see Madge’s vag.
9. She likes her lover’s manparts cut, not uncut.
10. She has no idea how many shoes she has.
1. True. Ish. She opened by saying “you have questions to ask me? I hope they’re intelligent questions,” which is exactly representative of the wicked-witchy schtick we can’t help loving about her. Then, when the crowd erupted in hollas, she said “but you have to be quiet.” Such a nitrous oxide burrrnnnn.
2. Not. Oops, you’re thinking of Lady Gaga—and if Madge finds that out, you’s dead. What she did say was that she’s “a big scent person” and has been waiting to make one she really loves but can also be mass-produced (i.e., make yacht-loads of money). Later, she talked up its “gourmand” qualities, and the tuberose hints that remind her of her momma.
3. Not. Although that would have been amazing. What she actually said, in true pageant-winner style, was that she would like to live in a world “without prejudice.”
4. True. A fan noticed a gash on her leg, and she said that when she took off her clothes, she was covered in “sexy” cuts and bruises.
5. True. Also, wow. “He’s stuck with me forever,” said Madonna, looking not unthrilled about it.
6. Duh. When asked, she said, “We’ll have to get back to that.” And then never did.
7. Not. Don’t let the title of her new album, MDNA, trick you. The real answer? “Love.” Sure.
8. True. Her very unlike-a-virgin Dolce & Gabbana dress was seethrough up to yay.
9. Not. She really was asked this, but wouldn’t say. (Instead, coyly: “Are you talking about my sandwiches?”). Methinks the old Madonna would have, uh, risen to the occasion.
10. True. Your reign is over, Imelda.